When I began the journey of writing my memoir in March 2019 I wrote and posted a letter to my 13-year old self. Now, two years later, I want to share another letter to the child within me that endured the process of retelling her story.
When I am in the midst of a difficult season in my life, I sometimes forget that spring is coming. I can’t see any further than my circumstance. Fortunately, God knows SPRING IS COMING! I ask myself, why should I worry.
In today’s verse Paul reminds us our strength comes from daily renewal with the One who caused the skies to darken, the veil to rip apart and then saved us with the words, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Followed by, “It is finished.”
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Finding God in the Darkness is not easy. He is there, but we don’t always recognize him. This poem expresses my search for hope, peace and redemption in the darkness of my childhood.
Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
“I have cried more and more intensely than I have in years. I have realized that the deep sorrow of grief will not be pushed away forever. Oh I tried by letting it bubble out for brief moments thinking, “I can do this.” Short blasts of tears predict the eruption to come. Body tremors warn of the pain within. Fatigue warns that all is not well in the soul. Then the deep sorrow and anguish of grief erupts. The eruption will not stop until the depth of pain is released.
leaving the security of familiar coping mechanisms is terrifying. Especially when nothing seems to ease the fear and pain like what I knew. When the “new life” became difficult or not what I expected, I wanted to return to the comfortable. I wanted what was comfortable even though it was dangerous and painful.
By Lewis’s definition, “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they in common some insight or interest or even taste which others do not share and which, ‘till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden).”
Jesus was fully divine and fully human. What went through Mary’s mind on that night so long ago? How can we relate to her mixed emotions as she gazed on the face of God.