leaving the security of familiar coping mechanisms is terrifying. Especially when nothing seems to ease the fear and pain like what I knew. When the “new life” became difficult or not what I expected, I wanted to return to the comfortable. I wanted what was comfortable even though it was dangerous and painful.
My initial reason for starting a blog was to tell my story. When I began I had a general notion of the impact the blog would have on me, but I realized a few days ago that telling my story brings up emotions and memories that I have not dealt with in years.
A single event can send you into an emotional spiral where your rational mind stops functioning. Everything that you believe about yourself goes out the window. The question is, how do you stop the spiral and get back to the truth about the person God created you to be?
In an earlier post, I mentioned the idea of capturing my thoughts. I want to delve into that a bit more. Part of my recovery from the trauma I experienced as a child included learning how to manage emotional spirals.
I updated Sonnet II, Sonnet III, and Sonnet IV and am working on adding a fifth Sonnet. Also, the entire text of “Know the Truth” and “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” are now included on my site.
I addressed the first two letters in this series to my younger self at two specific times when my distorted thinking led to involvement with married men. In those letters, I spoke directly to the young woman who desperately sought comfort and solace in the arms of men who could not provide what she needed. (What I needed) The final letter speaks to the betrayed spouse.
Father’s Day was difficult for me this year. I experienced emotions that I have not experienced for years. […]
The second letter tells the story of a young woman who wanted to change, lost her way, and turned to married men to meet unmet needs. By using the voice of an older adult speaking to a younger person, I hope the words will bring peace, comfort, and reassurance to another young woman who experienced similar distortions and exhibited similar behavior as a result.
The most challenging experiences for me as I share my story are the times that I was “the other woman.” Each time, I was seeking something that alluded me. The letters that follow will hopefully speak to the young woman who finds herself in a similar position. Each letter in the 3 part series is written for a unique audience. The first letter speaks to the young girl who was lost and confused and did not understand her environment.
I wanted to change, but I felt powerless. How could I change and stop the pattern of behavior that was destroying me?