Between my Sophomore and Junior year of college, my anxiety and depression grew more profound as did my compulsion to act out sexually. If I dated someone who was not interested in a sexual relationship, I broke up with them. I felt trapped and believed I must be evil.

This blog was originally posted three years ago. Today I reflected on the Sonnet and the circumstances that led me to write it. Putting the emotions surrounding my experience in the cellar was a catalyst for writing my memoir, What Kind of Love is This? Three years later, my story is published and I am sharing it with new audiences across the world. Revisiting the Sonnet seemed appropriate in advance of my Virtual Book Launch scheduled for August 7, 2021 at 2PM CDT. The sonnet expresses the theme of my story-finding God in the darkness. 

Although the sonnet below is a reflection of my recent journey down memory lane, I think it reflects the healing journey many survivors face as the wrestle with memories, triggers and flashbacks. If this is you, I hope my words bring comfort to your troubled heart and renew your faith that there is hope of redemption because of Jesus Christ. 

My memoir begins and ends with a sonnet written to my younger self. In the first sonnet, I encourage her and let her know it’s safe to tell her story. There are a total of four sonnets strategically placed throughout the story. The final piece is a combination of phrases from earlier works. As I close out my story, I leave the reader with words of encouragement, hope and the promise of redemption I found at the end of my journey.

The sonnets in my memoir provide respite to the reader as they navigate my accounts of the pain I endured as a child. The sonnet below is placed at a critical transition between my childhood and leaving for college. My words convey hope, empathy for the child who fears the future. The poem reminds the child within that Jesus never leaves her and she can still find comfort and strength by holding on to Him.

Healing from trauma sometimes feels like a Tsunami. While science can predict the path of hurricanes and other severe weather with some degree of accuracy, the projections change daily. The same holds for healing from trauma. Just when you think things have settled, another wave of memories overwhelm you. In the sonnet below, I use the storm metaphor to convey hope to the inner child who sometimes fears the next wave of memories and chaos.