My memoir begins and ends with a sonnet written to my younger self. In the first sonnet, I encourage her and let her know it’s safe to tell her story. There are a total of four sonnets strategically placed throughout the story. The final piece is a combination of phrases from earlier works. As I close out my story, I leave the reader with words of encouragement, hope and the promise of redemption I found at the end of my journey.

The sonnets in my memoir provide respite to the reader as they navigate my accounts of the pain I endured as a child. The sonnet below is placed at a critical transition between my childhood and leaving for college. My words convey hope, empathy for the child who fears the future. The poem reminds the child within that Jesus never leaves her and she can still find comfort and strength by holding on to Him.

Healing from trauma sometimes feels like a Tsunami. While science can predict the path of hurricanes and other severe weather with some degree of accuracy, the projections change daily. The same holds for healing from trauma. Just when you think things have settled, another wave of memories overwhelm you. In the sonnet below, I use the storm metaphor to convey hope to the inner child who sometimes fears the next wave of memories and chaos. 

The sonnet below is a poetic version of last week’s blog. In the sonnet, I attempt to capture the emotional, physical and spiritual turmoil of the past few weeks. However, I also want to express the hope and courage I’m rediscovering as I write. The final couplet reaffirms God’s love for me and the child who’s tale I tell.

When I recognize the inner voice that tells me to sabotage a relationship, or warns me to run away from a friendship, I stop the thought and replace it with scripture. Part of the process is identifying when I felt the same emotions or physical sensations

Between my Sophomore and Junior year of college, my anxiety and depression grew more profound as did my compulsion to act out sexually. If I dated someone who was not interested in a sexual relationship, I broke up with them. I felt trapped and believed I must be evil.