What Kind of Love is This?

Understanding and accepting God’s unconditional love is difficult for survivors of childhood trauma. When I originally posted this blog, I had no idea that one year later, I would be writing my memoir about my journey to accept God’s, unconditional love. My relationship with my daughter played a critical role in my understanding of unconditional love and how God views His creation. This post takes on new meaning as I write about my years as a single parent trying to express love my child amid my own turmoil.

Charlotte B. Thomason

newborn-baby-feet-basket-161709.jpegAs tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought, “How can I ever give her the love she needs?”

As I held my beautiful newborn daughter for the first time an unfamiliar feeling flowed over me.As tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought, “How can I ever give her the love she needs? I don’t know what it feels like to be loved as I love her.” As Korine opened her eyes, I prayed, “Lord what kind of love is this?” How do I show her this kind of love?” My greatest wish was to show my daughter the love I never received. I wanted her to feel the depth of love that I felt at that moment.

To me, love meant abuse. Love meant pain, betrayal, and isolation.

As I look back on the experience, I understand why I felt so lost when it came to showing love…

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