Morning Meditation: Just like the clothes in my closet, I must “put on” God’s armor everyday. Doing so is a conscious effort of thinking about what each piece represents as I complete my morning routine. #morningmeditation #armo
Tag: armor of God
Battle Ready
Morning Meditation: I discovered the importance of putting on the armor of God years ago. I can tell the difference in my day when I remember to do so. #morningmeditation #armor
Winning the Battle
When I wrote this post, my journey of writing my memoir was still just a thought in the back of my mind. This website was the beginning of that journey. Now, nearly three years later, the message of this post rings true again. Over the past few days, multiple triggers have surfaced that remind me of the importance of putting on and maintaining the armor of God. I share the post today to remind others of the power in the armor.
When I wrote this post, my journey of writing my memoir was still just a thought in the back of my mind. This website was the beginning of that journey. Now, nearly three years later, the message of this post rings true again. Over the past few days, multiple triggers have surfaced that remind me of the importance of putting on and maintaining the armor of God. I share the post today to remind others of the power in the armor.
My initial reason for starting a blog was to tell my story. When I began I had a general notion of the impact the blog would have on me, but I realized a few days ago that telling my story brings up emotions and memories that I have not dealt with in years. A couple of weeks ago, my daughter, Korine, asked me a question about something I plan to share in the next few weeks. The question was innocent but answering it triggered a brief visceral response. The response startled me. While such responses were common in the early years of my healing from PTSD, I have not experienced a bodily response in years. The feeling of ice coursing down my esophagus to my stomach frightened me for a second, but the sensation disappeared almost as quickly as it began. Korine reminded me that I should probably get used to the reaction. “People will ask questions,” she warned, “So you need to be ready for triggers.” Her words reminded me how quickly unexpected triggers can derail my inner peace.
Triggers come in all shapes, smells, and sounds.
At the height of my dysfunction, triggers surrounded me 24/7. Some days it was difficult to breathe for fear a new trigger was just around the corner. I reacted instead of acting. I lived in constant fear that I would not survive the next triggered episode. For several years everything in my life seemed to trigger dissociative episodes where I regressed and became the little girl who was abused every day. Experiencing a trigger feels like something sharp pierces my soul and disrupts the core of my being, like a dart hitting a dartboard. Sometimes the darts catch me by surprise. When that happens it takes me a few minutes to regroup and get grounded. In the past, I rarely felt grounded. The sensation lasted days, sometimes weeks. I felt bombarded by fiery darts and had no way to stop them. I lived in constant fear that one of those darts would kill me. The experience far exceeded emotional reaction to the trigger. I felt under siege by spiritual forces that I could not see. While identifying potential triggers is essential to healing, understanding the spiritual component of the battle is also essential.
We Have the Protection We Need to Stop the Fiery Darts
As I worked through the emotional and spiritual damage of childhood abuse, I realized that in Ephesians 6:10-18, Paul provides a plan for combating the triggers (fiery darts) that distracted me from God’s plan for me. Paul writes:
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. [1]
Daily Preparation
While I do not think every bad thing that happens to me is a spiritual attack, I do think that I am better prepared to face the day when I remember to put on the armor of God as outlined above. How do I do that? When I feel attacked by a trigger, I recall Paul’s counsel, “In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one.” I imagine holding a shield that is soaked with water so that the flames of the darts are extinguished before they reach my heart. When a trigger causes me to regress to the hurting and frightened child, I recall, “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” I say a scripture such as “I am a child of God and the evil one cannot touch me.” I imagine a sword slashing through the image of the frightened child. Triggers lose their power when I use the protection provided by the armor of God.
However, thinking about the armor in ancient military terms is not always beneficial. A few years ago I decided to try something new. I decided to make the armor relevant to my daily routine. As I thought about my morning routine I selected an activity that matched each piece of armor. For example, brushing my hair represents putting on the Helmet of Salvation. I do not do this every day, but I notice the difference when I do. The armor represents the protection that God provides to all believers, but we must take it up and put it on before it is effective. The armor is only part of the solution for stopping triggers or minimizing the impact of triggers that catch me off guard. However, I find that remembering the armor helps me when an unexpected darts are hurled at me. I no longer live in fear of triggers. Instead, I am prepared to stand firm because I have my shield ready to extinguish the darts that come my way.
Challenge:
At least one day this week, think about the armor when you get ready for your day and proactively associate the armor with your routine. How do think putting on the armor might help you combat triggers?
[1] Ephesians 6:10-18, ESV
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Are You Planted In Christ?
This blog was originally published several years ago. However, as I struggle to find the words to convey hope and redemption through a memoir, my thoughts drift back to the posts I wrote during another season in my life. Reading this post helped me remember the importance of being firmly planted in Christ. The thoughts are as relevant today as they were years ago.
Note: This blog was originally published several years ago. However, as I struggle to find the words to convey hope and redemption through a memoir, my thoughts drift back to the posts I wrote during another season in my life. Reading this post helped me remember the importance of being firmly planted in Christ. The thoughts seem as relevant today as they were years ago.
Several years ago, my father-in-law gave me a “money tree” plant which has five interwoven trunks. At the time, he had no idea that I am the world’s worst at keeping plants alive. Because the tree was a gift, I was determined to do all I could to keep this tiny tree alive. Initially, I was diligent about watering the tiny tree and ensuring it had the perfect amount of light to grow. Then life got in the way. The tree sat unattended for over a month on the window ledge in the kitchen. A friend asked me if I wanted to throw it away because it looked dead. I almost said yes, but then I remembered my resolve to keep the tree alive. Upon closer examination, I saw a tiny bit of green in the trunk of the tree. It was still alive! Instead of throwing it away, I put it in a bigger pot with new soil and prayed it would survive. It did survive, but my pattern of periodic neglect took its toll.
Although the tree is still alive, 3 of the five trunks withered and died because I did not provide the proper care.
I remember sitting on the couch looking at the yellowing leaves and the withered trunk thinking, “I need to get another pot and replant it.” By the next morning, life got in the way, and I forgot. I often forgot to water the tree, or sometimes I think I overwatered it. I replanted it twice. Each time when I lifted the trunk from the pot, I threw away the dead, hollow trunks. Both times, I noticed that the roots on the remaining trunks were underdeveloped.
The new soil was rich in nutrients, so the remaining trunks flourished. However, the trunks were not strong enough to carry the weight of the leaves, so I placed support in the pot. Each time I replanted it, I took excellent care of the plant for a few weeks, sometimes for months. The remaining trunks were small, but eventually, they no longer needed the external support to stand straight. What they do need is rich soil, water, and just the right amount of sun.
I realized that my connection to God through Christ was similar to my care of the tree.
I received the gift of salvation from my heavenly Father when I accepted Christ. I vowed to take care of the gift so it would grow. However, I did not realize how to take care of the gift. My knowledge was distorted and at best superficial. The roots of my faith were shallow and easily swayed by the temptations of the world. I “looked” good on the outside, but my soul was slowly withering. Just when I felt I had “killed” the gift, God dramatically intervened letting me know that he saw the tiny piece of my heart that was still beating for him.
God replanted me in rich soil.
Once again, I vowed to allow the gift to take root. I prayed, studied and surrounded myself with those that were deeply rooted in Christ. My faith grew, my roots became stronger, but life got in the way. I forgot to seek God when trials struck. I became angry when I could not do the right thing. I no longer nourished my faith and resented those who tried to help me. The battle between the world and God ripped my soul in half. The once rich soil became a wasteland. I struggled to find strength in the barren soil. I sought comfort in worldly pleasures without regard for the gift I had vowed to care for. Soon the once strong roots began to wither. I thought I could manage to have both dead wood (sin) and strong roots (Christ). Nothing could be further from the truth.
I had to build a stronger root system.
Although I knew what I needed to do, it took a while for me to remove the empty, lifeless behaviors.
I could not stand on my strength and did not wholly trust the strength that comes through Christ. During this season, I relied on friends, family and my church family to keep me from falling. When I began to slip, they were there to catch me and prop me back up by pointing me back to the source. (God). Eventually, my roots grew deep and strong. I trusted the promises that were once just words on a page. I was now rooted in Christ. When trials come, I can resist temptation because I am rooted in Christ. When I falter, his strength sustains me. For the first time in my life I understood what Paul meant when he wrote:
Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him. Colossians 2:6-7
The key is to live in Christ. Not outside admiring Him, but truly living in Christ and through Christ. That is the only way to have roots deep enough to withstand the world’s temptations. When I falter or fall, being rooted in Christ allows me to not only experience forgiveness but to grow and move forward.
For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. Hebrews 10:14
Living in him requires diligence, faith, prayer, and repentance. Just like my tree, my roots grow strong when I keep the soil rich, watered and just the right amount of the SON. The seed was planted the day I accepted Christ. How much it flourishes depends on how I take care of the seed.
Winning the Battle
My initial reason for starting a blog was to tell my story. When I began I had a general notion of the impact the blog would have on me, but I realized a few days ago that telling my story brings up emotions and memories that I have not dealt with in years.
My initial reason for starting a blog was to tell my story. When I began I had a general notion of the impact the blog would have on me, but I realized a few days ago that telling my story brings up emotions and memories that I have not dealt with in years. A couple of weeks ago, my daughter, Korine, asked me a question about something I plan to share in the next few weeks. The question was innocent but answering it triggered a brief visceral response. The response startled me. While such responses were common in the early years of my healing from PTSD, I have not experienced a bodily response in years. The feeling of ice coursing down my esophagus to my stomach frightened me for a second, but the sensation disappeared almost as quickly as it began. Korine reminded me that I should probably get used to the reaction. “People will ask questions,” she warned, “So you need to be ready for triggers.” Her words reminded me how quickly unexpected triggers can derail my inner peace.
Triggers come in all shapes, smells, and sounds.
At the height of my dysfunction, triggers surrounded me 24/7. Some days it was difficult to breathe for fear a new trigger was just around the corner. I reacted instead of acting. I lived in constant fear that I would not survive the next triggered episode. For several years everything in my life seemed to trigger dissociative episodes where I regressed and became the little girl who was abused every day. Experiencing a trigger feels like something sharp pierces my soul and disrupts the core of my being, like a dart hitting a dartboard. Sometimes the darts catch me by surprise. When that happens it takes me a few minutes to regroup and get grounded. In the past, I rarely felt grounded. The sensation lasted days, sometimes weeks. I felt bombarded by fiery darts and had no way to stop them. I lived in constant fear that one of those darts would kill me. The experience far exceeded emotional reaction to the trigger. I felt under siege by spiritual forces that I could not see. While identifying potential triggers is essential to healing, understanding the spiritual component of the battle is also essential.
We Have the Protection We Need to Stop the Fiery Darts
As I worked through the emotional and spiritual damage of childhood abuse, I realized that in Ephesians 6:10-18, Paul provides a plan for combating the triggers (fiery darts) that distracted me from God’s plan for me. Paul writes:
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. [1]
Daily Preparation
While I do not think every bad thing that happens to me is a spiritual attack, I do think that I am better prepared to face the day when I remember to put on the armor of God as outlined above. How do I do that? When I feel attacked by a trigger, I recall Paul’s counsel, “In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one.” I imagine holding a shield that is soaked with water so that the flames of the darts are extinguished before they reach my heart. When a trigger causes me to regress to the hurting and frightened child, I recall, “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” I say a scripture such as “I am a child of God and the evil one cannot touch me.” I imagine a sword slashing through the image of the frightened child. Triggers lose their power when I use the protection provided by the armor of God.
However, thinking about the armor in ancient military terms is not always beneficial. A few years ago I decided to try something new. I decided to make the armor relevant to my daily routine. As I thought about my morning routine I selected an activity that matched each piece of armor. For example, brushing my hair represents putting on the Helmet of Salvation. I do not do this every day, but I notice the difference when I do. The armor represents the protection that God provides to all believers, but we must take it up and put it on before it is effective. The armor is only part of the solution for stopping triggers or minimizing the impact of triggers that catch me off guard. However, I find that remembering the armor helps me when an unexpected darts are hurled at me. I no longer live in fear of triggers. Instead, I am prepared to stand firm because I have my shield ready to extinguish the darts that come my way.
Challenge:
At least one day this week, think about the armor when you get ready for your day and proactively associate the armor with your routine. How do think putting on the armor might help you combat triggers?
[1] Ephesians 6:10-18, ESV
