When I began the journey of writing my memoir in March 2019 I wrote and posted a letter to my 13-year old self. Now, two years later, I want to share another letter to the child within me that endured the process of retelling her story. I submitted the final proof of my memoir to my editor this morning. My book, What Kind of Love is This? Finding God in the Darkness, will be published by early summer and there is so much I want to tell my younger self. The letter below captures a small part of my thoughts and emotions as I reflect on the last two years of putting together a story that only she could tell.
I don’t know where to begin because you still shudder at the thought of revealing your innermost thoughts. I want you to know you are safe with me. No one will hurt you in the way Dad and others did. No one will abandon you or tell you lies about who you are because the world will know the truth, not only about what they did to you, but more important what God did that allowed you to survive.
When we began this journey I had no idea there was so much more to tell, but you showed me more of Jesus’s presence during the worst times. You showed me how you ran to Him when all seemed lost. You showed me the hope you found in His arms. You shared parts of me I didn’t know existed and I thank you for doing so. You shared details that explained so much about my fears and doubts, but you also shared the things that kept you sane.
You are beautiful and you are brave. I hope your retelling will help others have the courage to tell their story. My eyes fill up with tears as I write these words because I want to hug you until your pain subsides. I want you to know I love you and am so grateful that you held on to hope all those years ago.
Love-Your much older and much more content self
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