Category: Writing

After the Storm

Healing from trauma sometimes feels like a Tsunami. While science can predict the path of hurricanes and other severe weather with some degree of accuracy, the projections change daily. The same holds for healing from trauma. Just when you think things have settled, another wave of memories overwhelm you. In the sonnet below, I use the storm metaphor to convey hope to the inner child who sometimes fears the next wave of memories and chaos. 

“A tsunami is like a train of waves after one wave hits, it will not be over, stay in a safe place until you are sure it is completely over.”

Healing from trauma sometimes feels like a Tsunami. While science can predict the path of hurricanes and other severe weather with some degree of accuracy, the projections change daily. The same holds for healing from trauma. Just when you think things have settled, another wave of memories overwhelm you. In the sonnet below, I use the storm metaphor to convey hope to the inner child who sometimes fears the next wave of memories and chaos. 

The sonnet is one of several I wrote for inclusion in my memoir, What Kind of Love is This? Finding God in the Darkness.

After the Storm

Oh, child so fair, from far away, the waves

Of forgotten pain flood my heart with fear.

The sea pulls me into its icy grave.

Oh Lord, I cannot die, let me draw near.

Oh, child, so fair, it’s hard to let you in.

For far too long, you fought to tell your tale.

Oh Lord, tell me now, how do I begin

To prove your love is free and will not fail?

Oh, child so fair, come rest with me awhile

And recall the one who brings you peace.

A peace that lasts, a peace that makes you smile.

Just take His hand and your fear will cease.

And, by His crimson blood, your stains removed.

Transformed and white as snow, you’ll stand approved.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

leaving the security of familiar coping mechanisms is terrifying. Especially when nothing seems to ease the fear and pain like what I knew. When the “new life” became difficult or not what I expected, I wanted to return to the comfortable. I wanted what was comfortable even though it was dangerous and painful.

Originally posted August 2018. Recovery is hard. This post from two years ago reminds me of the pitfalls of looking to old habits for relief when healing gets too difficult. The lyrics to a Sara Groves song provide the backdrop for telling the story of my recovery from food and sex addiction.

As I reflect on my healing from childhood abuse and my recovery from sexual and food addiction, I am reminded of a song by Sara Groves entitled “Painting pictures of Egypt.” I always liked that song because it illustrates how hard it is to move forward from a place that is comfortable.  Even when the comfort is painful or unhealthy, moving forward is very hard. Leaving the security of familiar coping mechanisms is terrifying. Especially when nothing seems to ease the fear and pain like what I knew. When the “new life” became difficult or not what I expected, I wanted to return to the comfortable. I wanted what was comfortable even though it was dangerous and painful. “I was dying for some freedom/But … I hesitated to go. /I was caught to between the Promise/And the thing I [knew].”[1] I was often like the Israelites who constantly complained and rebelled even though God had delivered them from slavery.

They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?” Exodus 14:11

“the place they used to fit me/[Could not] hold the things I’d learned.”

I remember times memories flooded me and I forgot the strength of the woman I had become. I became the frightened child curled up in the corner wishing I could magically teleport to somewhere, anywhere that was not my parent’s home. I convinced myself that I could hold on to the “what if’s,” that “it wasn’t so bad.” and the “let me tell you about…”I told myself so many times, “I’ll get it right this time, but let me just stay here for a little while.” “I’m not ready to leave this yet.” Sometimes I took baby steps out of Egypt. Sometimes I took giant leaps. Each time, I would forget the downside of dissociation, promiscuity or overeating because “the future [felt] so hard/And I [wanted] to go back.”[2] But as Groves writes, “the place they used to fit me/[Could not] hold the things I’d learned.”[3]

I felt the old patterns, “calling out to me/Like a long-lost friend.

I wasn’t comfortable in my new life, but returning to my old habits wasn’t an option because “Those roads were closed off to me/While my back was turned.”[4] I longed to escape reality even though dissociation was frightening to my adult self, mentally disappearing brought momentary relief to my ravaged soul. I tried to revisit the past because as Groves writes, “The past is so tangible. /I know it by heart. /Familiar things are never easy/To discard.”[5] Letting go of addictive behaviors and temporary mental escapes that kept me sane for so long was excruciatingly painful. I held on for my life. I knew there was something better because I experienced it in moments of sanity and clarity. Groves words rang true to me so many times during those early years of recovery and healing, “I don’t want to leave here/ I don’t want to stay/ It feels like pinching to me/Either way.”[6] I felt the old patterns, “calling out to me/Like a long-lost friend.”[7]

Wanting to return to old patterns wasn’t about “losing faith…or about trust/It [was] all about comfort.” My addictive behaviors were comfortable. They weren’t perfect, but they were comfortable. I depended on them for my life, or at least I thought I could not live without them. Then I learned I could live without them and I learned new healthy ways of managing anxiety and stress. Memories did not send me into a spiral of irrational thought.

no longer caught between the Promise and the things I know.

After years of work I realize, “I am no longer caught between the Promise and the things I know.”[8] Groves ends the song with “If it comes to quick/ I may not appreciate it. /Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?”[9] I firmly believe there is no quick fix for healing or recovery. While I believe in miracles, I also believe sometimes the journey is the most important part of healing. A quick fix might rob you of the ability to appreciate the change in your soul. However, change requires taking the first step out of Egypt. Waiting too long might cement the habit or thought pattern and makes it harder to leave it behind when you walk toward your Promise.

Leave Egypt once and for all

To move forward, we must take a close look at what we are holding onto.  What is keeping us stuck? When we keep one foot in Egypt as we look toward our “promised land,” we hinder our ability to move forward.   Through Christ, you have freedom. In Christ, you can move forward. We can leave Egypt and not be trapped by, “Painting pictures…leaving out what it lacked.”

Related Posts

How do I Change?

Sonnet III. How Can I Make It Right?

[1] Sara Groves, Painting Pictures of Egypt lyrics © Music Services, Inc

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

[6] Ibid.

[7] Ibid.

[8] Ibid.

[9] Ibid.

Redemption

This sonnet describes my internal conflict between the truth and a behavior pattern that seems impossible to break.

One of the possible results of childhood sexual abuse is sex and pornography addiction. As a survivor, I battled impulses to engage in sex and pornography for years. Like many survivors, my view of love was distorted and subconsciously I thought sex and power were an essential part of love. I was hungry for someone to love me but didn’t know exactly what love meant. The sonnet below describes my struggle to resist the temptation of online pornography and online interactions with men. At the end of the sonnet, I make a declaration and a plea for redemption.

This a repost from April 2018, but I made a couple of changes to improve the meter and rhyme. 

How do I Make this Right?

Does true love reside where I cannot see?

At forty-five, I don’t know where to look.

The mirror reveals the truth, the real me,

The tired, empty soul now opened like a book.

Yet, no one sees the face that seeks release.

A glowing screen beckons me to draw near.

Its deceptive words promise perfect peace.

Messages of love meant to ease my fear.

No more! I won’t believe the tempter’s lie.

No more! I won’t believe what Daddy said.

No more! I won’t let true love pass me by.

No more! I will believe the debt is paid.

Oh Lord, please hold me in your arms tonight.

Oh, can you tell me how to make this right?

RELATED POSTS:

Sonnet I -Are Daddy’s Words the Truth or Does He Lie?

Sonnet II- Does Love Reside Where I Cannot See?

Sonnet IV. The Truth Revealed

How do I Change?

A New Chapter

I plan to post several times each week and hope you will check out the YouTube page on the menu to keep up to date on the short videos that include casual conversations about life issues, life hacks to help you manage daily stressors and triggers, and inspirational videos that include devotionals, quotes and short book reviews.

Today I posted my first video to YouTube. Not a simple task for this senior citizen, but I did it. Social Media and building a platform is not my strong suit and adding YouTube to my arsenal terrifies me. Why? I hate how I look on video and generally feel I look and sound silly and incompetent. However, I feel pretty good about my first attempt.

I plan to post several times each week and hope you will check out the YouTube page on the menu to keep up to date on the short videos that include casual conversations about life issues, life hacks to help you manage daily stressors and triggers, and inspirational videos that include devotionals, quotes and short book reviews.

Check out my first video by clicking on YouTube on the main menu and hear my thoughts about Finding Joy in the Midst of Grief.

Mamaw’s Minecraft-Remembering the Power of Play

Recently I remembered how important play is to my well-being when I began playing Minecraft.

Play had a critical role in my development from a young age.

One of my favorite pastimes as a child was engaging in imaginary games with my brother. We would spend hours creating make-believe worlds where we destroyed evil and save the day. During our play, nothing else mattered. The abuse we endured temporarily disappeared from our minds, and we enjoyed the fantasies in our backyard. As the years passed, I substituted reading, drawing and creating crafts for the backyard games. I loved stories about knights, castles and medieval culture and often imagined being rescued by a knight in shining armor. My love of art, creating and playing continued as I navigated through the long journey to healing from the childhood trauma. My drawings were graphic and sometimes dark, but they helped me get through some difficult moments. When my husband, John, passed away I returned to crafts, drawing and writing to mend my broken heart. I could get lost in creating and find moments of peace.

 Recently I remembered how important play is to my well-being when I began playing Minecraft.

Yes, this grandmother is playing Minecraft and loving it! My family got me to try it a few weeks ago, despite my reluctance. I could not understand what anyone got from playing a game where everything is made from blocks. I soon discovered Minecraft allows me to create. I plan my building, watch tutorials and build something my imagination created. By doing so, I am rejuvenated and forget the chaos of the world for the hours I spend moving around my Minecraft world. On occasion, I interact with family members who play on the same server. In these days of social distancing, those interactions are precious to me. I give them a good laugh because I am so bad at navigating the game.

Playing Minecraft has helped me focus my energy on creating rather than dwelling on the latest crisis.

Oh yeah, I’m building a medieval village.

You may wonder how a discussion of Minecraft relates to healing. The answer is quite simple. Play is a part of the therapeutic process for many survivors who were robbed of their childhood. Learning to play reawakens lost innocence and joy. Imagination energizes my soul and brings life to forgotten childhood joy. Not every moment of my childhood was horrible. I played, I laughed, and sometimes I just imagined a better world. I’ve recaptured some of that through my Minecraft moments.

What can you do to reawaken the child within you?

Note: Picture is of my Minecraft world in progress.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Written several years ago for my friend, Cheryl Luke’s Blog, this blog speaks to my heart this morning. I don’t have all the answers, but I know one thing, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Even if that keeps me from drowning in negative thinking for one minute, I am content. I hope the post will provide hope for someone who needs to hear the truth of who they are from God’s perspective.

Note: Today I struggled once again with who I am. Feedback on the draft of my memoir pours in and I wonder how to reach those God sends to me. I’ve received emails from women who want answers to the question, “how can you trust God after all you’ve been through?” I feel inadequate to reassure them of God’s love, but then I remember that they are the women God called me to serve. They are the women I want my story to help. I scrolled through old posts to find something, anything to post on a day when my thoughts are jumbled and creativity is nowhere to be found. Then,  I read the title of this post. Written several years ago for my friend, Cheryl Luke’s Blog, it speaks to my heart this morning. I don’t have all the answers, but I know one thing, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Even if that keeps me from drowning in negative thinking for one minute, I am content. I hope the post will provide hope for someone who needs to hear the truth of who they are from God’s perspective.

I have struggled with a variety of habits, hurts, and behaviors for most of my life.  My drugs of choice have included overeating to fill the emptiness in my soul, sex to avoid true intimacy and to punish myself, prescription drugs to numb physical and emotional pain.  I also pushed people out of my life by being unpredictable and mean.  I spent years searching for a way to change who I was because I did not like the person I saw in the mirror.  I could not understand how anyone could possibly love the person I saw.

From powerless to empowered

For years I worked on the emotional issues created by an abusive childhood. Although I got better, my soul remained empty. I turned to deliverance and found relief, but the habits returned. I felt worse because I thought surely God had given up on me. Why else would everything come back?  I was hopeless, powerless and empty.

Finally, I found a scripture that changed how I saw myself.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:13-16

I read the words: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” over and over.  God did not create Charlotte Thomason, the over eater, the sex addict, the emotional disaster that I saw when I looked in the mirror.  I was fearfully and wonderfully made.  I was formed by Him for a specific purpose.  My identity was not my bad habits, my behaviors, my thoughts.  I was wonderfully made!

The first step toward changing my thought pattern was to change the way I talked about my struggles.

Although it felt strange at first, I no longer said I am a sex addict, or I am an over eater.  Instead, I made one small change and began saying, “I struggle with sex and overeating, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  I admitted the struggle but removed it as my identity.  Each time I made this statement, the power of the struggle decreased.

I realized that changing my thoughts made all the difference in my actions.  Stopping the negative thoughts before they took control and replacing those thoughts with a scripture about who I am allowed me to heal.  I replaced the power of the struggle with the power of the Word.  I stopped acting like an addict and began acting like someone who struggled. This did not happen overnight, but over time, the old behaviors occurred less frequently. Eventually disappearing from my everyday existence. The thoughts would creep back, but I knew how to stop them.

Knowing the truth puts things in perspective

Paul writes “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature, for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)  He is not saying he cannot change, but rather his inner man cannot do what is right.  He declares the need for something more.  That something more includes changing just one thought at a time.  Changing the thought that, “I will always be this way.  It is just who I am.” To “I am a child of God who struggles with alcohol.” Just this one simple act can stop you one time from acting on the old belief of who you are.

One thought, one minute, one hour, one day is enough to make a change in your soul.  You don’t have to climb the mountain in one day.  You can climb it one thought at a time.  You were not created as an ……(fill in the blank for yourself.)  You were fearfully and wonderfully made.

I still struggle with overeating in times of stress, but I always return to the truth of who I am.  I have never returned to the darkness of despair of 20 years ago.  I know I cannot overcome the struggles in my life alone.  I can only control my thoughts.  I can replace negative thinking with what the Word says about me.  I can stand on the truth that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

You can do the same. Take the first step.  Realize the truth of who you are. Allow God to walk by your side down the road of recovery.

 

Related Posts:

Know the Truth

How do I Change?

What Kind of Love is This? Part III Sonnets

Sonnet III. How Can I Make It Right?

Open the Eyes of my Heart

This verse is an open invitation for the Lord pierce our heart with truth, not just give us knowledge to process with our mind, but with our heart.  In The Abolition of Man, C. S. Lewis describes “The Chest-Magnanimity-Sentiment” which, functions as the liaison between the intellect and sentiment.[1] Being that it is the chest suggests that it is the “heart” of man.  It is the element that guides the choices we make.

Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.

Ephesians 1:18  ESV

At the heart of the matter

This verse is an open invitation for the Lord pierce our heart with truth, not just give us knowledge to process with our mind, but with our heart.  In The Abolition of Man, C. S. Lewis describes “The Chest-Magnanimity-Sentiment” which, functions as the liaison between the intellect and sentiment.[1] Being that it is the chest suggests that it is the “heart” of man.  It is the element that guides the choices we make.  It is the element that causes us to have internal conversations when faced with moral decisions.  Lewis also refers to the middle element as “emotions organized by trained habit into stable sentiment.”[2] 

It’s my choice

Choice is a key element in God’s interaction with us.  In Mere Christianity, Lewis writes, “I would much rather say that every time you make a choice you’re turning a central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before… slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature.”[3] Without an open and active heart, we risk enduring unbridled emotions that lead to chaotic choices or the cold and calculated choices of pure reason. When the eyes of our heart are open, we view our circumstances from a balanced perspective that intersects reason and passion and allows us to hear and see the truth God has for us, which allows us to make better choices.

 

[1]C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man, (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 1974), 25.

[2] Ibid.,25.

[3] C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, 1952), 86.

Father’s Day-A Reflection

I just completed the draft of my memoir. Writing about my father brought the pain and sorrow to the surface once again. With Father’s Day approaching this weekend, I want to revisit a post I wrote two years ago. Perhaps my words will comfort other survivors who struggle with the celebrating Father’s Day.

Father’s Day is sometimes difficult for me. Most years I ignore the multitude of Father’s Day posts that fill my social media News Feed, but some years, the words of praise and love bring tears of sorrow and anger to my heart. I want to scream, “I don’t miss my Dad! I don’t have anything good to say about him!” Perhaps others who experienced abuse have similar thoughts on the day that honors fathers. The intensity of the emotion surprises me because I forgave my father years ago. Most likely the feelings resurfaced this year because I just completed the draft of my memoir. Writing about my father brought the pain and sorrow to the surface once again. With Father’s Day approaching this weekend, I want to revisit a post I wrote two years ago. Perhaps my words will comfort other survivors who struggle with the celebrating Father’s Day.

Forgiveness not Acceptance

My father stole my childhood and my innocence from me at a very young age. The abuse continued until I left home at age 18 to go to college. My father cared about only one thing-making certain I knew he was the only person who would “love me.” I was his property and his toy.

In his later years, my father was broken, disabled and senile. He never asked me to forgive him, but I did forgive him. I turned him over to God and let go of my need for revenge or retribution. The act of forgiveness came after I allowed myself to experience the anger, sadness, and loss of my childhood. Forgiving him did not mean I welcomed him back into my life. I did not.

In Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis writes, “I would much rather say that every time you make a choice you’re turning a central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before… slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature.”[1] As the years passed by, I saw my father turn into a shriveled, broken hellish creature who lost his grip on reality. I think there came a point when he relinquished his humanity for the pleasures of the flesh and he was lost for eternity. He died alone in a West Texas nursing home.

God was the consistent thread.

How do I celebrate Father’s Day with such a father? I always knew God was present in my life, but that may not be true for others. I am thankful for the prayers of many that kept me safe from death on more than one occasion. My father could not take away my faith. My heavenly father somehow always showed up when I needed Him most. I did not always understand God’s methods in my trials but looking back He was always there to save my life, direct my path or provide a comforting word. God’s actions modeled what my father should have done. He knew what I needed, and did His best to provide for me, not always in the way that I wanted or thought He should, but as a faithful parent. My journey was long and difficult, but the consistent element was the presence of God and Christ.

I believe I can celebrate Father’s Day because I do have a Heavenly Father who cares for me and loves me unconditionally. However, for some, celebrating this Hallmark holiday feels forced and uncomfortable. For others, the day triggers feelings of anger, fear, and resentment. For those individuals, I want you to know that it is okay not to celebrate a day that honors fathers. However, I invite you to consider the idea that there is a heavenly father who loves his children.

[1] C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, 1952), 86.

Psalms for Hope, Comfort and Peace

The book of Psalms is a favorite of mine because David and others bare their heart and soul to the Lord, but always end with praise and thanksgiving for God’s steadfast love. This week I turned to three passages to uplift, encourage and strengthen my soul. I hope they provide the same to you.

The book of Psalms is a favorite of mine because David and others bare their heart and soul to the Lord, but always end with praise and thanksgiving for God’s steadfast love. This week I turned to three passages to uplift, encourage and strengthen my soul. I hope they provide the same to you.

 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word, I hope.

Psalm 130:5 

 This week I’ve prayed, “how long Lord? How long must we wait?”

The psalmist provides a path toward peace when he declares he waits for the Lord and hopes in His word. The Word breathes life into desolation, renews a withering soul, and nurtures our flickering hope.

Hope sustains, nurtures and increases our faith. When the situation seems impossible, hope never gives up. The psalmist doesn’t just say he waits, but that his soul waits. Hope transcends the physical and permeates our entire being. Hope takes us out of the temporal view and transports us to the eternal perspective.

Faith assures us that what we hope for will come to pass, but first we must have hope.  Hope is one thing that lifts my soul.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

The psalmist reminds us that God is bigger than tragedy, chaos, racism, hatred or fear. He heals, comforts and guides us through times like the present circumstances.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

In this verse. the psalmist provides insight into God’s character and role in our lives. First, God is our refuge. We can go to Him, hide in His arms until the storm passes. Second, He is our strength. When we are weak, tried or afraid, He renews us, comforts us and assures us the future is bright. Finally, God is a hands-on God. Right now, He seems distant, but the psalmist reminds us that He is “very present.” I’m not sure how we know He’s present when chaos continues day after day, but He is here.

His love never fails.

This is a time when another scripture takes on new significance, “faith is the assurance of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen.” Sometimes we must hang on to faith by a thread of hope that tells us, “He is here. He is my refuge and in Him I will find my strength.”

Sometimes the Honesty’s too Much

Sometimes when God touches me, the honesty seems too much.  Sometimes, I don’t want Him to see the “real me”.  The truth is He always sees the real me.

Today I finished the first revision of What Kind of Love is This: Finding God in the Darkness, a memoir of my journey to reclaim my identity.  The last words I typed, “See what God has done… He loves you,” reminded me of my struggle to trust God’s unconditional love. Those words also acknowledge how far I’ve come. Still, I occasionally struggle to understand the events of my life, but writing my story helped put some pieces together for me. As I thought about how to express my struggle, this blog, written a few years ago, seemed appropriate. My relationship with God continues to grow as I include Him in my daily life through prayer, study and simply being still. Perhaps my post will help you realize your beauty and value in the eyes of the Creator.

“Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much.”

This 70’s hit by Dan Hill, conveys the struggle of feeling and expressing love.  When I looked up the words to the entire song, I realized that many of the lyrics could apply to God’s relationship with us and our relationship with Him. Sometimes when God touches me, His honesty seems too much.  Sometimes, I don’t want Him to see the “real me”.  The truth is He always sees the real me. When I let go of my pride, only then can I truly experience the Honesty of God’s touch.  Only then can I allow Him to hold me until my fear, pride, and pain subside.

Trapped within my truth

How many times have I cried out to God, “how could you let this happen?”  or “You can’t really want ME to do that, do you?” Sometimes I don’t wait for an answer and simply return to the safety of what I know.  I dismiss the still small voice as nothing more than a passing thought.  After all, I know me better than anyone.  Sometimes I argue with God as if He really doesn’t know what is best for me.  I stay trapped and immobile because I choose to stay trapped in “my truth”.  I don’t want to move out of the safety of the familiar and the comfortable.  I fight the honesty of God’s touch.  Until that moment when he brings me to my knees because my truth suffocates me.  Once on my knees, God’s presence pours over me with power, peace, and strength.  At that moment, all is well.  My mind tries to comprehend the touch but cannot.  His love surrounds me and I realize the “real me” is more than my thoughts, habits, and hurt.  The real me has been touched by God to be all He created me to be. His truth heals.  His truth reveals.  His truth brings peace.

He understands How Hard I Try

Sometimes we try too hard to experience God.  The truth is God is everywhere.  He touches us every day.  I recall a time shortly after my husband, John, died when I commented to a friend, “I don’t feel God. I know He is there, but I don’t feel His presence.”  I tried hard to make the feeling of God’s presence real, but nothing worked.  Finally, one day as I drove to work, I saw streams of light piercing the clouds on the horizon.  I smiled through my tears as I felt the honesty of God’s touch for a moment.

I realized at that moment that God always wants to touch us.  I also realized that His touch comes in unexpected ways.  Sometimes it comes from a friend who calls at just the right moment to comfort or encourage us.  He touches us through worship when we feel Him through music.  Those passing thoughts that prompt us to be more than we think we can be are often God’s touch.

“Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So, Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,[c] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:28-31.

Like Peter, we have to get out of our “boat” of our expectations to experience God’s touch.  Once we step out of the boat, His hand will keep us above water if we stay connected to Him.

We don’t have to work hard to feel His presence, but we do have to ask, listen and respond when we feel the Honesty of God’s touch.

God is constantly reaching out to us.  His hand is always outstretched.  Our task is simply to grab hold of the hand and allow God to lead us from our “truth” to what He has in store for us.