As a survivor of childhood trauma, I struggled for years with the truth found in John’s words. I believed in Jesus, but I wasn’t at all sure He loved me. I spent years bargaining with Him for approval. Every time I broke a promise, I begged for forgiveness, but wasn’t sure how to earn His love. I didn’t realize His love was a gift.
Dissociation is a common occurrence for traumatized individuals. We escape to a safer place. The new sonnet is written from the point of view of the source of my escape and relief, Jesus Christ.
The sonnets in my memoir provide respite to the reader as they navigate my accounts of the pain I endured as a child. The sonnet below is placed at a critical transition between my childhood and leaving for college. My words convey hope, empathy for the child who fears the future. The poem reminds the child within that Jesus never leaves her and she can still find comfort and strength by holding on to Him.
Healing from trauma sometimes feels like a Tsunami. While science can predict the path of hurricanes and other severe weather with some degree of accuracy, the projections change daily. The same holds for healing from trauma. Just when you think things have settled, another wave of memories overwhelm you. In the sonnet below, I use the storm metaphor to convey hope to the inner child who sometimes fears the next wave of memories and chaos.
leaving the security of familiar coping mechanisms is terrifying. Especially when nothing seems to ease the fear and pain like what I knew. When the “new life” became difficult or not what I expected, I wanted to return to the comfortable. I wanted what was comfortable even though it was dangerous and painful.
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