Writing a memoir is not easy. Over the past several weeks I have learned a great deal about the little girl who endured so much at the hand of those who should have loved and cared for her. The chapters of the memoir are told through the eyes of a child, but as the adult on the other side of the trauma, I feel compelled to write short reflections to that little girl to encourage and uplift her. I also insert letters into the memoir at significant points in the narrative with the hope that they offer the reader a breath of fresh air as they read my story. The letter below is one of the Reflections from the memoir. I reference my father and my Uncle Ray in the letter because they were the primary perpetrators of abuse in the chapters preceding the letter.
Oh, beautiful girl,
My heart aches when I hear your cries. I long to remove all your fear and doubt, but that must wait for just the right moment. You ask so many questions that no one answers, so you use the brilliant mind that God gave you to answer them. Sometimes your conclusions are right, but sometimes they are distorted by your experience.
You view the world through dark and shattered lenses that create a broken image of the world, God and yourself. I’ve learned much from you these past few weeks as I’ve walked beside you through the darkness. You’ve reminded me that you always wanted to know the truth and fought hard to find it. I know that you doubt God’s love for you and wonder how to find the peace and comfort you learned about in Sunday school. You will find the answer, beautiful girl, I promise you.
Do not lose your faith, little one, God loves you and never leaves your side. When He sends an angel, it doesn’t mean He loves you less. Angels protect and comfort us in a unique way. Sometimes God sends an angel; but God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are always with you.
The days ahead will be difficult, beautiful girl, but trust that God will get you through them. He will guide you along a path to freedom. You will not always live in pain and fear. You will help others, who walk a similar path, to understand how to overcome their pain.
Beautiful girl, please remember this—God loves you no matter what Daddy or Uncle Ray tell you. You are beautiful no matter what happens to you.
All my love, adult Charlotte